This Night
by Samunderthelights
Summary: After sharing a drunken kiss with Castiel, Dean has no choice but to face up to something he has been trying to ignore for years.


"Another one?" Dean asks, as he grabs another beer, but his brother gets up, shaking his head.

"No, thanks, I've had enough," he says. "Besides, it's been a long day, so…"

"Come on, one more."

"No, really. I should go to bed," Sam says. "Goodnight, guys."

He leaves the room, leaving Dean and Castiel on their own. Dean half expects Castiel to leave as well, but he remains where he is, so Dean grabs him a beer, and joins him.

"Are you not tired?"

"Nah." Dean shrugs. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Besides, we don't really get to do this, do we?"

"Do what?" Castiel asks, a confused look on his face, and Dean can't help but smile.

"This. Sit down, have a drink together. Just you and me."

"Oh."

"So I think I'll stay here with you a little bit longer. If that's okay with you."

"Of course."

* * *

"You're drunk," Castiel states, as he helps Dean into his bedroom.

"Am not!"

"Yes. You are."

"I'm fine."

"Dean, you…," Castiel begins, but when Dean slams his bedroom door shut, he keeps quiet.

Dean hesitates for a moment, but then he steps up to the angel, who is simply staring at him, perhaps wondering what his next move will be. Perhaps waiting for the right moment to leave.

But Dean pushes him up against the wall, and for a moment, there is fear in Castiel's eyes.

"Dean, what are you...," he begins to ask, but before he can finish the question, Dean has kissed him. It is a messy, drunken kiss, and it only lasts for a moment, before Dean lets go of him and takes a step back.

"I…," Dean tries to explain, but this time it is Castiel who doesn't give him a chance to speak. Because he kisses him, and for a moment, Dean simply stands there, frozen in his spot. He doesn't move, he doesn't return the kiss. He is too confused as to what is happening. But once he realises, he returns the kiss.

He leads Castiel over to the bed, not breaking the kiss, but when he starts to undo his pants, the angel stops him.

"What are you doing?"

"Shut up, Cass."

* * *

When Dean wakes up the next morning, he feels like he is going to be sick. His head is thumping, and his body is sore from a fight they had had early in the day yesterday. He wants to go back to sleep, but something in him tells him that there is someone in his room. So he sits up, ready to fight whoever, or whatever it is.

But when he finds Castiel, sitting on the edge of his bed, staring at him, a wave of nausea washes over him. Images of last night start flashing through his mind, but he can't remember everything.

"Cass, what are…"

"Dean."

"What are you doing?" Dean asks, but the angel doesn't answer his question. He simply glances down, and when Dean realises that he is naked, he quickly covers up. "Last night, did we…"

"You don't remember?"

"I remember kissing you," Dean admits. "But… it's a little blurry, man."

"We were going to… you know… but you were too drunk."

"Really?"

"Yes," Castiel says, and Dean takes a deep breath.

"I'm sorry, man. I…"

"We can try again another time."

"Wait, what?" Dean asks, not sure if he has misheard or misunderstood what Castiel has just said. He had expected him to be upset at what had happened last night. He had expected him to run away. To say that he has ruined their friendship. To tell him to stay away from him. He would even understand if Castiel would call him a selfish jerk.

But saying they will try again another time, because Dean was too drunk this time? That thought hadn't even crossed his mind.

"We will try again another time," Castiel repeats, and this time Dean is certain he hasn't misheard him. "When you haven't been drinking."

"You mean…"

"What?" the angel asks, but Dean just shrugs and shakes his head.

"Nothing. I should ehm… I should probably go and get ready… have a shower and all that."

"Yes. Of course."

* * *

Dean has just gotten out of the shower, and he is back in his bedroom, getting dressed, when he turns around and finds Castiel standing there.

"What the… you can't just…!"

But before he can say another word, the angel has stepped up to him, and has started kissing him. And although Dean only remembers flashes from last night, he definitely remembers kissing Castiel. But those kisses had been drunken and sloppy. These are different. These don't taste of cheap beer, of pizza. These taste of Castiel. And they aren't drunken kisses. They are a little awkward, but there is a fire in them. They are exactly as Dean had imagined they would be.

"Cass, I…," Dean begins, when Castiel stops kissing him. But when the angel slides a hand into his jeans, he gasps for breath, his heart nearly beating out of his chest. "Cass…"

But before Dean can say another word, the angel has started kissing him again. Dean can feel his legs growing a little weak at Castiel's touch, so he puts an arm around him, and rests his head on his shoulder, just to steady himself.

But then he door flies open, and Sam comes storming in.

"Dean, I…," he begins, but when he sees Dean standing there, for a moment there is a worried look on his face. But then he realizes what it is that he has just walked in on. "Oh! I am so sorry!"

"This isn't…"

"Sorry, guys!" Sam laughs, before leaving the room, and closing the door behind him.

"Should I continue?" Castiel asks, and Dean hesitates for a moment, but then he sighs.

"Probably best not to."

Castiel wipes his hand on his coat, a shy smile on his face, and just the sight of it makes Dean's face flush even more, so he quickly looks away.

"I should go."

"Yeah."

* * *

"That was not what it looked like," Dean says, as soon as he sits down at the table, joining his brother. "We just…"

"So you didn't sleep with Cass last night?"

"What? No! Of course not!"

"Right," Sam says, a knowing smile on his face. "I thought you liked him."

"Of course I do. He's my best friend. He's _our_ best friend."

"And you like him. It's cool, man." Sam shrugs.

"It's not like that. We're not… it's not like that."

"Then what's it like?"

"I don't know," Dean admits. "I was drunk, we kissed, that's it."

"You weren't drunk just now though, were you?"

"No, but…," Dean begins, but he knows that it's no use arguing his point, because his brother is right.

"If you like him, go for it."

"I can't, okay?"

"Why not? It's Cass, he…"

"Is a goddamned angel, Sam!" Dean spits out. "How do I know if he even…"

"Loves you?" Sam asks, but his brother doesn't answer his question. He just stares down at his hands, an uncomfortable look on his face. "You know he does, Dean. In his own Cass-like way."

"I don't know, man."

Sam gets up, and he puts his hand on his brother's shoulder, making him look back up at him, and he flashes a supportive smile.

"Yeah, you do."

He leaves the room, and as he does, Mary comes walking in.

"Mom! You're back!"

Mary sits down at the table with Dean, and she flashes a small smile.

"So, you and Cass, huh?"

"He told you?"

"I overheard you and Sam," Mary admits.

"Right. We're not… I like girls," Dean can hear himself say, and he wishes he could have come up with something better. But having to talk to his mother about Cass, about having feelings for a man, an angel, risking her rejecting him, when he has only just gotten her back, it scares him.

"I'm sure you do," Mary says, a knowing smile on her face.

"Me and Cass, we're good friends."

"You're not in love with him then?"

"No!" Dean quickly says. "Definitely not."

"Dean, I may not have been in your lives for many years," Mary says, putting her hand on her son's hand. "But I am still your mother."

"Yeah…"

"And I see the way you look at him."

"I…"

"And I see the way he looks at you," she adds, and Dean looks down at their hands, too nervous to face her. "I don't get this whole angel-thing yet, but… I know what I see when I look at the two of you."

"Don't."

"Dean, look at me."

"Mom, please," Dean tries, but his mom squeezes his hand, and he can feel himself getting emotional.

"You're scared."

"You know that this ain't some soppy fairy tale. This ain't some Disney crap," Dean says, still unable to face his mother. "People like us don't get to fall in love."

"Dean…"

"We're hunters, mom. We don't get our happily ever after. You and dad tried to have it, and look what happened there. Sam tried to have it…"

"But Cass…"

"Is an angel," Dean interrupts her, finally looking up again. "That probably makes the chances of us…"

"You are just scared, Dean."

"Hell yeah, I'm scared. Everyone around us dies. Everyone we love… they get killed. I don't… I can't lose Cass too."

"What if he dies tomorrow?" Mary asks, and a sick feeling washes over Dean, and for a moment he feels like he can't breathe.

"Don't, okay? Just don't."

"You will regret not having told him how you feel about him."

"I know," Dean admits, but although he knows that his mother is right, it doesn't mean that it makes it any easier.

"Tell him, Dean."

* * *

Dean has spent the entire day trying to take his mind off what had happened last night, and off the conversations he had had with Sam and his mother, but it hadn't worked. He has thought things through, and although he has known he has been in love with Castiel for years, he didn't think anything would ever happen between them. Not until last night. He didn't think he would ever have to face up to his feelings and confront them.

But now that he is finally allowing himself to be honest with himself, and he has stopped trying to ignore his feelings, anxiety is taking over. Because he had meant what he had said to his mother, hunters do not get their happily ever after. Especially not the Winchesters.

But he knows he loves Castiel, and he had often wondered if the angel had loved him back. But Castiel has always been a little awkward, and his staring at you can simply be staring. When he wants to spend time with you, it can be meaningless. When he kills for you, it can simply be to save your life because it's the right thing to do. Not because he cares.

Still, over the years, Dean had picked up on little things, especially lately. But he had all put it down to Castiel being Castiel. But after last night, and this morning, he knows that there is more to it. And it should make him happy, but it only confuses him more. Because what should he do?

But as the thoughts are racing through his mind, as they have been doing all day, Castiel walks into his bedroom, a worried look on his face.

"Are you okay?"

"Not really," Dean admits, and he pats the space next to him on the bed. Castiel sits down next to him, and Dean can't help but smile when he sees him, and although he would never admit to it, there is fluttering in his stomach, when he remembers what had happened that morning.

"What's wrong?"

"I think…," Dean begins, but he gets scared, and the thought of losing Castiel becomes overwhelming. So he simply grabs his hand, and looks down at it. "I need you, man."

"Is this about what happened this morning?"

"Yeah."

"Was Sam upset, did he…?"

"No," Dean quickly says, before sighing. "He ehm… no. Cass, I…"

"Yes?"

"I didn't kiss you last night because I was drunk."

"I know."

Dean can't help but smile at Castiel's straightforwardness, at Castiel being Castiel. He looks up at him, giving a small nod.

"You do, don't you? I'm in love with you, man."

"Yes."

"Are you… you need to help me here, Cass. I don't know how this works," Dean admits. But when he sees the blank look on the angel's face, he can't help but laugh.

"I'm not sure if…"

"I think this is the part where you either tell me to go fuck myself, or you…"

"Or I tell you I have feelings for you?" Castiel suggests, and Dean gives a nervous nod. "You know I like you, Dean."

"But?"

"But nothing. I am telling you I like you too."

"It's like we're asking for trouble if we do this, right?" Dean laughs, but it's uncomfortable laughter, and even Castiel realizes that he is trying to hide his true feelings.

"You're scared."

"Yeah," Dean admits. "These things never work out for us, do they?"

"This is different, Dean," Castiel reassures him.

"I hope so. I really do."

Castiel kisses him, before giving him a hug and holding him for a long time. But then he gets up, and he makes his way towards the door.

"Wait, Cass?"

"Yes?"

"Will you stay with me tonight?" Dean asks, his heart beating fast. He feels young again, and nervous, vulnerable. He isn't used to feeling like this, and although he has had feelings for Castiel for the longest time, he had always been able to suppress them. But now that it's all out in the open, he can't help but smile at himself, when he realises just how excited he is.

For years he had thought that the job had left him cold, that it had left him emotionless in a way. That the only people he could ever care about were his family. All the sick, the ugly, the death, it had left him hard and empty. But knowing that this part of himself is still there, this love, this excitement, this warmth which is making his stomach flutter, his skin tingle, although he would never admit it to anyone, but knowing that it is still there, it means the world to him. It makes him feel like maybe, just maybe, there is a chance for him just yet.

"I'll stay with you," Castiel says, and he flashes a small smile. Dean lies down on the bed, and he expects the angel to join him. But when he turns around, he finds him getting undressed.

"What are you doing?"

"But I thought you wanted to…"

"No, not tonight. Come here," Dean says, and he pats the bed. Castiel hesitates for a moment, but then he gets into the bed, and he cuddles up in Dean's arms. And just feeling Castiel in his arms, warm and safe, it makes Dean want to savour this moment for the rest of his life. He had dreamt of this moment for so many years, but he didn't think it would ever happen. And perhaps, it might never happen again. But for now, it is just the two of them. Nothing, and no one else.

"Cass?"

"Yes?"

"I love you, man."

"I love you too, Dean."


End file.
